Love Is . . . .

As a counselor, I have worked with many couples over the years that were on the brink of divorce. The first thing I ask them is, "Do you love one another?" Most often times they say yes, and then my next question is, "What is love?" I have not met a couple in distress yet who were able to accurately answer this question.


So, what is love? Some say that it is a tingly feeling or butterflies in your stomach feeling when you are around the one that you love. Most people simply don't have an answer to this question because they have never given it serious thought or been asked to put into words exactly what love is.


To get the true answer to the question, "What is love?", we need to look into God's word to find out for He is the creator of love so He should/would know. The foundation for a Godly, happy marriage is having a love relationship with God first, and then with one another.

God explains exactly what love is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I challenge these hurting couples to do a self-assessment of their personal love and the assessment goes like this:

Vs. 4: Love is patient - Am I patient with the person I say that I love? Love is kind - Am I kind to the person I say that I love? It does not envy - "I wish that I could sit around the house all day eating bon-bons." It does not boast - "Look at how good I am doing at taking care of you." It is not proud - "I am being a better spouse than you are by far!"

Vs. 5: It is not rude - Have I been rude to the person that I say that I love? It is not self-seeking - "I want what I want because I want it." It is not easily angered - Do I get angry easily with that that person that I say that I love? It keeps no record of wrongs - "I remember 3 months ago when you did . . . . ."

Vs. 6: Love does not delight in evil - "I'm glad you stubbed your toe, you made me mad." But rejoices with the truth - Am I thankful that my spouse trusts me and our relationship enough to tell me even this hard truth to help me grow?

Vs. 7: It always protects - Am I putting safeguards in place to protect my relationship with my loved one? Always trusts - Am I trusting this person that I say that I love? Always hopes - Am I hopeful that my relationship with this person that I say that I love will grow? Always perseveres - Am I willing to keep trying to live out my love and never give up loving that person that I say that I love?

Vs. 8: Love never fails . . . .

In my world as a counselor, talk is cheap. People can say whatever they want you to believe, but if those words are not followed up by actions, they mean nothing! Always remember that love is NOT a feeling, it is action!

There may be days when husbands and wives don't like each other very much, but you can always love one another if you follow the directions given in this passage of scripture.

I want to encourage every husband and wife to visit 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 often and evaluate how you are doing at living out your love to your spouse by living out your love. Some days you will be doing well in some areas, but recognize you need to put a little more effort into other areas.

When you recognize, with God's help, that you can grow in particular areas, I want to encourage you to put more effort into those areas and watch your love grow. Marriage takes work and commitment on both people's parts. When you put time and effort into your love relationship, God will not only bless your efforts in living out your love, but He will also bless your marriage!

God Bless you all as you live out your love to those significant people in your lives!

Love Never Fails

As a counselor, I work with many hurting couples who are on the brink of divorce. Almost always, I spend a session talking about 1 Corinthians 13, more commonly known as the "love" chapter. In this passage, we receive instruction on how to live out our love to those we say we love.

This past week, God has impressed on me another perspective/meaning for verse 8 of chapter 13. I also work with people who are grieving loss. . . of loved ones, of jobs, of financial security, and the list goes on and on. The first part of verse 8 says "Love never fails. . . ." I was reminded that the love we have for those who pass away also never fails. It serves to sustain us through those dark days of loss and keep us afloat when we are about to be overcome by waives of pain and grief. The love we have for our dear departed serves as our life boat. . . that never fails.

I recently met with two little girls whose step father passed away very suddenly and I shared this passage with them and explained that their love for the step-father will never die and it will carry them through their deep grief and despair. . . because the Bible tells us that "love never fails". They both found comfort in these words and I am trusting that God's Word will carry them through their pain and loss.

We live our love out to others and the love we have carries us through all of life's difficult challenges. Truly, "love never fails"!

For Such A Time As This

Recently, the Lord and I have been having some very difficult conversations regarding the financial needs of His ministry at Heart To Heart Support Services. As scripture tells us to do, I have been seeking and beseeching God regarding the financial needs that are very big right now. I KNOW that God is my Provider, my Strength, my Courage, my Help in Present Danger, and the list goes on. I have been lifting up the needs that we have, and yet I have not seen God provide in significant ways. . .YET.

I have found myself becoming frustrated and if the truth is told, a bit aggravated with God for His slow response to our immediate needs. Then the other day, I was having my daily devotions. The theme of the devotion was that I have a relationship with God for even a time such as this. God spoke mightily to me through the writer of this devotion! He reminded me that yes, He is my Provider and all the other names we see given to Him in scripture, but, not only that, He is my friend who is walking with me through even this difficult time.

See, I was wanting and expecting God to be my Deliverer from these distressing circumstances, and He will do that in His perfect time, but I needed (unknown to me at the time) Him to be my Friend and walk hand in hand with me through this lean season. When that understanding sunk into my thick brain, I began to have peace in the midst of the circumstances, even though they have not changed yet. That peace is what I was truly needing and longing for.

Praise God for the wise writers of Our Daily Bread who have been instruments of God to speak to my troubled heart on so many occasions! Thank You God for your unfailing love and patience with me as I stumble along on my life's journey!

Self-Care

Hello Again,

Guess what! It's spring!! This is my favorite season of the year and I get so excited about the promise of warmer weather, spring flowers, the robins coming back, gold finches with their vibrant yellow colors flitting around in my back yard, seeing new calves in the pastures, even the hope of seeing a calf being born in a roadside pasture, and so much more.

I am also being more motivated to get outside and enjoy all that spring has to offer. Today my office co-workers and I all went for a walk around town to get a breath of fresh air. At first I felt very guilty about not staying in the office and working, but as we were walking, I realized that my spirits were being lifted, my brain felt much clearer, and I was excited and motivated to get back to the office and get back to my "business tasks".

Being a counselor, I should appreciate the personal benefits of self-care, but my husband Rob will tell you that I am usually the last person I take care of. I am very quick to encourage my clients to take good care of themselves, but again, I am very slow to follow my own advice.

I want you to notice the word that I used earlier, "guilty". I think that we often neglect our own personal needs because of a false sense of guilt. . . .that I am doing something that I shouldn't be doing when I take time out for me.

When we consider Jesus' example in scripture, we see that even Jesus, on many occasions, went off by himself to rest. He took time to pray and talk to God, and even spend time with his special friends, his disciples. This was never more evident than during the time just before the Crucifixion when He took time away to have His last supper with His beloved disciples. They had a very quiet, intimate meal together. Jesus took this last opportunity to fellowship with and encourage and teach them.

Shortly after the meal, we read in Luke 22:39 that "Jesus went to the Mount of Olives, as He was accustomed and His disciples also followed." Jesus knew that He was facing some dramatic, traumatic events and he took time to be by Himself, to be in fellowship with His Father and prepare to face His future.

If Jesus not only recognized, but also acted on, the importance of self care, shouldn't we?? There was no "wrongdoing" when Jesus stepped away to take care of Himself and there is no "wrongdoing" when we do the same. My personal goal is going to be to make every effort to take a little time out of my day (even my work day) and do some self-care. I want to encourage you to do the same. Let's all get out and "smell the roses, daffodils, tulips" or whatever flower is blooming in season. Our souls too will be restored to face what is ahead of us.

God Bless, and have a blessed Easter season!