Food For Thought

The Saturday before Christmas this past year my dear friend and pastor, Steve Estes, went home to be with his Lord in heaven. This was a terrible shock to everyone who knew Steve, and particularly to our church family and to me.

At the visitation and funeral, people were sharing thoughts and remembrances of Pastor Steve. Here are a very few of the statements I heard shared: He was a passionate man, boisterous, had a booming voice, a faithful friend, man of prayer, man of God, "was the real deal", and many other comments. The last comment, "was the real deal", was a very powerful comment to me. This person was saying that Pastor Steve was genuine and daily lived what he preached.

This experience of losing Pastor Steve's presence with us (he is not lost, we know exactly where he is. . . in Heaven with Jesus) has caused me to wonder what people will say about me when I am gone. How will people remember me? What attributes of mine will stand out? What will be my legacy? I am reminded that I am influencing the answers to these questions today, this very day, by how I am living my life.

So who am I? I am down to earth, nothing flashy, every day "Jane on the street", simply a child of God. I make mistakes, I have faults just like everybody else, but . . . I am redeemed by my Savior, loved by the God of the universe, and a child of the King. I am striving, like Pastor Steve succeeded in doing, to be the "real deal". With all of this in mind, I have great a responsibility to walk humbly with my God, allowing Him to work out His purpose and plan in my life. I am consciously seeking His wisdom and direction, making every effort to love as Jesus does and to allow things that break God's heart to break mine also, to have the heart and mind of God.

When it is all said and done, my heart's desire when God calls me home is to have people simply remember me as a woman after God's own heart.

Surrender

As I have reflected on 2009, I have been reminded of some very important spiritual lessons that I learned through adversity. One of the BIG lessons had to do with surrender and what that means, looks like and how it feels.

Last September I had a bout with kidney stones the week before I was scheduled to go to a hugely important conference where I was to earn my year's worth of continuing education credits. I ended up in the ER on Labor Day night in severe pain of which I knew from previous experience exactly what the cause was. . . the dreaded kidney stones. I was given big pain meds. and sent home with instructions to make an appointment with my urologist ASAP.

The following morning my husband, Rob, set the appointment with the urologist for the next day. I met with my doctor, with whom I had seen before, and he shared that, because of my previous history with kidney stones, he went ahead and took the liberty of scheduling for the next day a procedure to blast the stones. I was rejoicing and praising God that He was working everything out in a timely manner so that I could keep my plans to attend the conference.

I had the procedure done and all went well. I passed a few pieces of stones the next two days and was feeling a LOT better and believed that I was home free to be able to attend the conference. Then the SECOND wave of stone passing hit. It was Saturday and I was scheduled to leave for the conference the next Tuesday. I became so discouraged and I admitted to God how I was feeling and that I felt that satan was winning this battle, which made me very sad and frustrated, but I just couldn't help it.

I was out of control (of which drives me crazy!) and things just weren't working out the way I wanted them to!!! I fussed and fumed about the situation for the rest of the evening and had difficulty sleeping, not because of the physical pain but because of my discouragement about the whole situation. Finally I calmed down enough to be able to hear God's quiet voice reminding me that He was in control and that HE would work all of this out.

God helped me to start thinking "outside the box" and realize that even if I couldn't go to the conference, there were other ways that I could get my CEU's. I finally was able to surrender the conference to God and told God that I really was ok about not going to the conference if that was what God had planned for me. Immediately I was at peace with however He would work out the situation. The moment I surrendered my plans to God, an incredible peace came over me, the pain subsided and I was able to get restful, peaceful sleep.

The next day, I was feeling a lot better and over the next couple days I was back to normal again. I was able to attend the conference and get the needed CEU's. I believe with all my heart that I was able to recover from the kidney stones and attend the conference because I was finally able to surrender.

I am learning that I don't have to like what happens, I don't even have to understand what happens, but I DO need to trust God through what happens and He will work it all out in His amazing way and in such a way that He will get the glory! I want to give God the glory for His working in my heart through kidney stones to teach me about surrender.

This week in ministry has been a week of extremes. I have had the privilege of rejoicing over new-found strength and healing with one client and have met with yet another client who was in the deepest, darkest depths of despair struggling to live.

The word "hope" is the common theme here. One found hope through healing and one is longing for hope to survive. Through it all, I have been able to share hope. . . .even allowing them to borrow my hope when they are not able to find their own.

My personal hope comes from God, who is the giver and sustainer of life. He is what I have shared with these dear ones. God has called me to ministry here at Heart To Heart and He is equipping me daily and even moment-by-moment as I minister to those He leads to our doors. What a joy and privilege I have to see God do amazing things through me. I am His tool, He is the miracle worker!