Seasons of Parenting - Part II

I had a very interesting,yet startling conversation with my young adult daughter the other day. She had called to talk about some major decisions that she was needing to make and wanted to process with me and seek my counsel.

She now has a very special someone in her life and they are discussing long-term commitments to one another. After she shared with me some new opportunities opening up for her, I asked her if she had talked to her special someone about all of this. She said it had not occurred to her to discuss these things with him. She has become so accustomed to talking with dear 'ol mom and needing to make decisions on her own that it never crossed her mind to her to get his input on these things too.

I reminded her that, of course she is ALWAYS welcome to talk with me about whatever is on her heart, because this young man is filling a very important role in her life now too, it will be important to include him in these life decisions. I encouraged her to seek his counsel and to place value on what he thinks, consider his thoughts/feelings and her own as she makes her decisions. The final decision is hers to make, but seeking wise, Godly counsel from important people in her life is always a right thing to do.

The final thought that I left her with was that, now that this young man is very seriously in her life, it will be important for her to value his opinion even more than mine because these life decisions have great potential to impact their relationship very profoundly, I am simply a bystander and our relationship (my daughter's and mine) will remain the same no matter what the final outcome is.

When these words came out of my mouth, I questioned what I had just done. . . .redirected my daughter to someone else before me! It did not feel good, but it felt very right. Even though my daughter is not engaged or married yet, I was being led by the spirit to begin teaching my daughter how to be a Godly wife, seeking her husband's counsel even before her mother's. Scripture tells us in Genesis 2:24-25 that "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." This leaving the parents applies to the woman as well.

As a counselor, I cannot tell you the number of couples that I have counseled that had very difficult marital issues stemming from one or the other spouse being connected with their mother in unhealthy ways, putting the mother before even their spouse.

I love my daughter very much and I long to be there for her always, but there will soon come a time when her husband will take precedence over me, and that is as it should be. I have confidence that no one will ever be able to take my place in her life, and I must be willing to surrender my #2 position to her husband as God ordained.

I know that she is in good hands, those of her Heavenly Father and those of her special someone. Just as she is making room for him in her life, I am choosing to make room for him in mine as well. I pray for God's richest blessings on their budding relationship and am asking God to help them establish a healthy, loving relationship for God first, then one another, then for mom and dad and everyone else.

This is yet another season in my life as a parent. It is exciting, yet somewhat painful to see my blessed children growing up, finding their life partners, and starting to have their own families. I am learning my new role in their lives and am nestling in. Life is good!